I looked into my parents bedroom the other day and saw my dad's back. He was just lying on the bed and staring at the wall. Limp. Lifeless. Jobless. I felt like my heart was being pulled down by a weight. I haven't cried at all about it. I just feel kind of hopeless and dragged down. My dad is depressed. My mom is over emotional. My brother is blunt and cynical. My other brother is selfish and argumentative. My sister is just quiet all the time. I'm just empty.
I feel guilty about everything. He was pushing the idea of the vacation. But it was money. They promised me I'd have my last year of high school here. But what about when we run out of money? Over that vacation my parents brought up moving out of the state.
I feel stuck. I'm not really putting much effort into college because it seems out of the picture. I just don't think about it. I think I'm going to stay in High School forever and my life will never move forward. I don't know how to transition.
4 comments:
this haunting image stunts words. and i don't know how to speak to it. other than don't lose hope? which i hope you have enough left to lose. but don't. and i also, if prayer is a strong enough weapon, we will find out.
i love you and sorry about your blog fail.
I love you.
stay strong. we're here for you.
It's always said that when we are at our weakest God is at His strongest. I struggle with this, because I hate being weak in any way, and it seems pretty sadist of God to sit and make us suffer just so he can show how strong he is. It's not like we really need reminding, I mean he did create the universe and all. But what I'm trying to get at is, I don't know why this had to happen to you and your family, it isn't right or fair. And it's easy to be angry and blame God...but I, like Elle, just don't want to see you defeated. You're much to vivatious a person to give up. "Struck down but not destroyed."
Don't let yourself be destroyed.
We all love you so much...we're here.
it will be okay. because you have god, and each other. and our prayers. everyday.
we love you, and will do whatever we can to support you.
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