Wow. I feels suffocated. I feel like I am not living. My brain is mush and I walk down the school halls with repetition. Each time I do this my mind becomes a little duller. Every time I close my eyes I see college pamphlets. I want to rip them apart and throw them in a fire. I don't want to go to college. I don't want to walk around a campus with those fruity tooty little college pamphlet poster kids and learn about stuff I don't want to learn about. I want to run around carefree and feel. High school has destroyed my mentality. Apathy has become a personal friend.
And then I think about the things that really make me feel like I'm living. People that I care about, love, enjoying what you do (which I've lost due to brain damage) I have daydreams about simplicity. I dream that I am living in the mountains like in Heidi with a family I love and near friends that I love. Sometimes I just picture a field. I'm standing there and doing nothing. Just letting the breeze blow. I want to live inside of a Disney cartoon movie.
Maybe I'm just a romantic but I really don't want to live the rest of my life getting information force fed to me that I don't want.
I really hope that life is not like this. I really hope that I can feel free and happy. High School is closing me in a box and shutting me out from realizing anything about my life.
2 comments:
Don't give up... think about what you want to do. think about what you want out of life. and then go for it, with everything you've got.
That's the plan, anyway.
this is how i have felt since...well....school started.
you articulated this beautifully.
the whole thing about college pamphlets....i can totally relate! tonight, my mom and i were laughing about them. she said that it was like sending a hungry person pictures of food. we all want this perfect little vision of college but either a) we aren't smart enough to get in or b) they cost way too much.
so all in all, i feel exactly what you are feeling.
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