I'm excited to be going to college, but honestly, ever since I was 13 all I've wanted to do was acting. As each year passed I would get madder and madder at myself for not doing anything about it. I am 18 now and realizing how fast time is going to go is really freaking me out. I was ok with it but now it's really hitting me hard. Wait a year, do this college, if you don't like it transfer. Then I'll be 19. Or I'll stay at that college, then I'm 22. It's so ridiculous that I think 22 is old, but I really want to do this while I'm young. It's what I need to be doing. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. It's something that I keep pushing myself for. And with each year that passes that I still don't have it, the incredible worry and tension sets in.
Not a day goes by that I wont look at myself in the mirror and act something out, or put dance music on my ipod and dance my heart out in my room. I do it everyday. It's what I think about. it's what I need to be doing. It is who I am.
What am I doing with my life. It would absolutely kill me to never go after it and to regret it for the rest of my life. I've never cried about it until tonight, when it really set in, that I was able to choose my future and I took it for granted SO MUCH. I need to be the best that I can be. I NEED to go after it. And I'm not. When I'm 43 with my 3rd kid in my house in grand rapids with my dutch husband, I'm really going to lose it. I can't live my life with regrets, and yet, I'm basically making the choice to walk into the biggest one.
2 comments:
I totally feel the same way. torn between "go after your dreams!" and "realistically what I can do/what is a smart decision."
example.
dream: move to LA and be extra in movies.
Reality: bad choice to quit college, you'd never make it anyway lalala.
suck.
I know...I really don't want to live my life with regrets. Part of me just wants to drop everything and go. But that could totally screw me up. IT'S SO HARD.
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