Yes. It's gotten to that point. I'm googling Kurt Cobaine and Joe Anderson to see how much they look alike, I'm on iMovie just so that I can listen to iLife sound effects, and downloading as many hip remixes to the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back" as I can find.
Then I realize how pathetic it's gotten. It's not even high class procrastination. This is what comes when you are done procrastinating. It's
what can I look up or do that will seem really important and I can convince myself that it's really fascinating so that I wont have to think about how I still have to do stuff and I cant even remember all of the stuff that i have to do because i've suppressed it so well.
I mean, I got to the point of youtube browsing where I came to this...
...was disturbed a lot. And then watched it again and laughed really hard. Then showed it to as many people as I could and watched their reactions and laughed
All I want to do is watch Into the Wild and reach out and grab what I want and LIVE LIFE. It's so unfortunate that all I have is my SLAP paper, physics Test, and Religion project staring at me and dragging me away from setting foot into the world. Basically. That is how I feel. I hate this. I have such an intense desire to run away from everything. I want to search and search to find the meaning of life until I find it. There's got to me more to life. Stacie Orrico said it, and I say it. Ever since my teenage years started I guess, I've slowly been losing certain elements that have kept me satisfied. Maybe it's growing up and realizing everything. I just have to warn myself never to watch anything from Into the Wild ever until I have all of my schoolwork done. Because I honestly don't have a single microscopic desire to do it.
I want to pack some stuff up and sell everything else. I want to simplify. I want to go on my own quest to find the meaning. Because it is so hard to find spiritual meaning in this society. I want to take a car and drive to Canada and do some hard core living for a while. I kind of want to just be all alone even though I know happiness is only real when shared. But I want to find that out for myself. I want to drive all across America and do some hard core living out west as well for a while. I am so. unsettled. I am searching.
That movie. When I was watching this my soul was clawing at my heart or something deep like that.
I think humor keeps me grounded. If that makes any sense.
Right now I'm just youtubing all of the old computer games I used to play. It's funny how one song or image can just flood back so many good times and memories.
I freakin' love backstreet boys. I stumbled upon this today on youtube and just had to share it. Those clothes, that hair, remember when that was cool? How was that ever cool? It's so ridiculous. Just the 90s and early 00s in general. Good stuff. I miss it. I'm currently obsessed with this pop music.
For an odd reason I'm inspired. That's funny but it's really true. The dancing and stuff...cool. Cool is the only word I can use for the pop explosion. The belly shirts, the hair-It makes me so happy!
